No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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