Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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