I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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