My hand turned me down
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
