I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
