I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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