we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Couch. On fire.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
