You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
