I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
