i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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