when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
