And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
