I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
