Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
