My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
