take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
