I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
