Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
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