He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
