My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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