you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
