I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
