just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
