If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
