Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
