i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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