I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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