Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
