Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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