I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
