my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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