what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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