I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
