I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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