Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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