Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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