Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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