Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
