how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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