I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
