Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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