Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
