no one should ever give us hovercrafts
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
