I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
