I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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