Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
