I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
