the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
