my soul wont recognize me after tonight
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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