Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
