I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
