You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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