this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
